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Precious Minutes

Perhaps I should contribute.

I have no idea why I’m still just thinking, dreaming, and standing eerily still.

I recently started a paid membership (subscription/whatever you call it) to Medium. I’m pleased that I did; it’s allowed me to continue reading the same literature, and occasional rhetoric, that I was previously reading for free by just using Google or LinkedIn. But, I am paying for it all to be in one convenient location, so I suppose that’s something…

The suggestions I receive for my ‘Daily Read' tend to belong to collections like The Ascent, or Start-ups… Turns out my porn is 4–6 minutes of content centred around something I’m not doing nearly enough of in real life. Much like regular porn in that sense.

Some of the posts I’ve read at this point are literally about not reading any more and just taking action. Oh the irony of a motivator trying to do themselves out of a job, knowing that their job security is solid as long as people continue to be complacent, demotivated, depressed, and everywhere in between.

I’ve known for a long time that actions trump ideas, thoughts if not executed are just wasteful dreams, the first step is the hardest so make it the smallest and yaaa de blaa de gobble de goop. I have no idea why I’m still just thinking, dreaming, and standing eerily still.

My master plan has varied over the last few years… From restaurateur, to film-maker, to starting a Digital Marketing agency, to opening a co-working space outside of a city, to investing and trading with teeny weeny start-up capital but somehow beating the whole market and being nothing short of rich in a brief window of time. If you think that last one is unrealistic, I also had the idea of becoming an artist. I’ve never studied art, of course, or expressed much interest in it, but that’s entirely besides the point.

The overarching point here is that I still haven’t done any of those things. I wholeheartedly believe that I am capable enough to do any of them. Albeit with some rude awakenings on quite how quickly I’ll achieve ever elusive success, but I’m honestly not that delusional 😉

Plus, what could be crazier than supporting your boss’s idea that some dumb task takes precisely 8 hours per day to complete, for several decades, before finally having enough money (or lack of f*cks to give) to stop doing said task and enjoy your remaining years in the worst physical condition you’ve ever been in, compounded by diminishing cognitive functions?

Ugh, fun. Where do I sign up? Sadly I am already a long term member, along with most of you.

Long term in the sense that this is what many of us are born into, taught throughout school (especially the older we get) and expected to be compliant with thereafter. I’m 27, so I think I’ve got ample time to buck the trend. (But, I have been telling myself that for at least a few years now… case in point).

Not much of a conspiracy theorist, I don’t think I’m a victim of an actively repressive regime. Just a passively repressive one, years and years in the making, that has insidiously lead swathes of the population into a shitty dead-end that many will probably reach in this lifetime when their dumb task is replaced by a robot, which will probably serve to prove the point that it doesn’t take 8 hours a day, and never needed to. Grr.

So, I feel as though I’m very close to a “solution” to my problem, but also no closer than I was a year ago… Put simply, I do just need to take that first step, in ANY direction. Preferably not backwards. What I know for now is that I quite like writing, or indeed any form of “brain-dump”, recording voice notes or videos — whatever. As I said at the beginning, perhaps I should contribute… Contribute my experience of trying to do things differently and map out a truly exciting life story. I think I’ll write as I go, I may develop a common theme, or style. Who knows? Who cares? #braindumps

I might even end up becoming one of those weird, self-fulfilling-business-model-people who kind of make a living telling people how to make a living by telling people how to make a living. Or create and sell an online course that teaches people how to create and sell an online course — haha! Brilliant! These people exist, and my oh my do they have sussed it out!

I don’t think I’m a victim of an actively repressive regime. Just a passively repressive one, years and years in the making…

My real aim, even dream, right now is to achieve a sense of freedom from this “regime” of the standard way of doing things. I struggle to face a life where I just trade away my biggest liquid asset for far less than it’ll ever be worth. That’s time, by the way — in case you’re reading this in the morning pre-coffee!

Thanks for reading my ramblings, I hope it wasn’t a waste of your precious minutes. I’d love to hear any and all (just be lovely please) feedback… Let me know if you’d like me to keep writing. Indeed, let me know if you think I should shut up forever. I’ve tried to not overthink this post in terms of editing and formatting. Done is better than perfect, apparently.

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Ryan Havis

I probably don't want to talk about it. So, that's exactly why I should. Read, clap, save, share... Thank you! ❤ Follow me @ryanhavis on Instagram